Okay, now that I know that RS232 commands are not relayed by the Translator function on my irTrans WiFi, I can make it work.
I now have the following setup:
irTrans A receives main 'activate' command (nice big red pushbutton, wired to an IR car alarm remote, which has a 25kHz carrier

irTrans A translates this command to a macro, to switch on the tv with IR commands sent locally; last command of the macro is the original 'activate' again
irTrans A relays all macro commands over the IP network (broadcast), which are received by irTrans B
irTrans B has an AUX RS232 port and also has translation active; it translates the incoming 'activate' command to RS232 commands for an HDMI matrix
So the trick here is that IR commands get relayed with no problem while RS232 commands are not relayed and have to be executed locally. So you can use the translator function to send an IR command around the IP network that can then be translated at the receiving irTrans modules into RS232 commands for attached devices.
I am writing this down in detail like this on purpose, so that others will hopefully find this useful.
I appreciate your help Marcus - but as you can see, a good manual would have helped me enormously...

Even if it's just a thorough explanation of all the options on all the screens - I can then make the connections myself.
But I would also like to add this: irTrans is brilliant - my family can now push ONE button that will lift the TV out of a cabinet, switch it on and make all necessary picture settings, switch on the DVR and tune it to channel 1, switch on the AV receiver for sound and tell the HDMI matrix to switch to the right input. And what's especially nice: this all works without a PC running all the time and consuming power. I think if the website could explain the vision and the general overview of the system a bit more (and lose some of the old and confusing material) more people would realise the power.